I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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