John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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