His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i came on her dog
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
