she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
