My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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