my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
