your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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