I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
