I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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