I cockslap morals
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
