Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
