My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Randomize
