Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
