I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We smell like vodka and hangover
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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