I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
