My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
