my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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