Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
