Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
