SEEEEXXX PLEASE
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
