French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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