I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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