waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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