was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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