Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
