Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
