ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
