There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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