there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
