I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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