I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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