I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
