I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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