i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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