he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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