I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
