she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
