And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
