just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
