For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I faked an abortion last night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
