24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
