I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
