another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
