Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
