you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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