think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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