Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
