it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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