you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
