you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
