Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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