We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
